L'Esguard: quite possibly the worst meal of my life

The usual caveats apply and all that, but, in my opinion, I might have finally eaten at what was quite possibly the worst restaurant in the world. Not that I wasn't forewarned; I should have taken note when Rafael Garcia Santos, the One Man "Michelin Guide" of Spain, contorted his face into something quite indescribable when I told him we were going to eat at l'Esguard. I should have listened to many other concerned souls who pointed out that Roses—and the legendary elBulli—was really not that much farther from Barcelona. One person pulled out a mobile and offered to get us a reservation, even.

Alas, I was determined, pigheaded, I should say. I had already been to elBulli, but was yet to try l'Esguard. We were sticking with our plan, we would not be swayed by anyone, not even the lot of them. Our resolve was, sadly, resolute.

You could hardly blame us. The chef, Miguel Sanchez Romera, has a back-story that is more than intriguing: a brain surgeon by day, and an haute cuisine chef by night. Ok, it's more like two and four days a week, respectively, but you get my drift. Quite an iconoclast, Sanchez Romera famously denounced the inclusion of his restaurant in the Michelin Guide for Spain. Whether he had done that pre or post the not-so-favorable mention in said guide is up for question, however.

I knew things began southwards not long after we entered the beautifully restored 16th century building. Lining the walls of the reception room were photographs of the food. Beautiful yet strangely sterile, they were blown up, spotlighted, and posed as if to demand no less than worship from the unsuspecting diners passing through the corridor.

The hostess's reception gave me yet another pause. Before we were allowed to see our table, she insisted on giving us a tour of the "beautifully restructed" 16th century villa, to see the wine "cellar" with "more than 500 different types of wine" and the cheese aging cellar where they aged all their own cheese. Frankly, the whole thing was more Disneyland than anything gastronomically inspired. The wine cellar was lined with glass, as though intended for a spectacle and hardly the protection and aging of the delicate wines. The cheese cellar-–though had been there since the 1700's--was nothing more than a hole in the ground with two or three mesh-door cabinets stocked with cheese. Bernard Antony doesn't need to close up his operation just yet.

By then we were tired, hungry, and more than a little annoyed, but there was hope yet. We were finally led to the staircase leading up to the second floor dining room, where we shall, hopefully, soon be seated and, also hopefully, fed. Then, only two steps up the stairs, she stopped, turned around to us again, one arm motioning—in the best imitation of a stewardess showing that the best exit may be behind you—toward the cubes just beyond the stairs. "And here we have built the toilets", she said. I scoffed, and kept walking up the stairs.

Finally installed at our table, I was more than ready for some serious nourishing. The table was quite precious, each place setting with its own directed light, illuminating the plate as though it was artwork. Beautiful plates they were, and I was ever so hopeful of beautiful food that would soon fill those plates, and my belly. Alas it wasn't to be, at least not yet. Instead we were presented with a manifesto. Don't ask me what's in it. I just couldn't be arsed to pay attention. It began with some absurd notions about god and creation and whatnot. I put it aside, thinking I'd read it when I got back, perhaps after some food and drinks, a lot of drinks. (FYI, I did read it again at home, well-nourished and well-sloshed; it was no less absurd.)

What is it with chefs and manifesto these days? Seriously. We get it. You don't just randomly put stuff on plates. You've got a grand idea. But you know what? Sometimes all we care about is if your grand idea tasted any good. Because if it isn't, then it's just a big pile of crap.

This chef has got a grand idea alright, and it came in the form of Micri, a special magic powder he invented himself. It's a sort of hydrocolloids made from, as I understood it, cassava starch. It's basically used to thicken or stabilize stuff. In the kitchen at l'Esguard, the chef fashioned it into some sort of butter and into transparent, tasteless, and odorless wrappers he uses in place of ravioli wrapper, sauce, and, basically, everything.

Back at our dining table, the chef's grand idea came early. And often. Quite relentless, really. It arrived first as a clear wrapper for a mini "ravioli" of potato with oddly fishy fillings and an aromatic sauce. Then it came as a sort of "lasagna" replacing the traditional pasta with clear Micrifilm®. The novelty of it was intriguing enough the first couple of times, and then it just became a bore. It didn't taste bad, mind you, but it had this very odd, plastic-y texture that refused to melt properly in your mouth, sort of similar to how agar-thickened jellies shatter rather than melt in your mouth like gelatin-thickened jellies. The Micriflim seemed even more sturdy than agar thickened stuff--not entirely a good attribute if you asked me.

A square soup plate arrived, laid with palette of freeze-dried vegetable powders so intricately arranged there was hardly a grain out of place. No Micri, I let out a sigh of relieve. Alas I spoke too fast. The waiter arrived to lay sautéed vegetables artfully atop the colorful carpet. The vegetables were gleaming with what I first thought was butter, but which somehow didn't taste the least bit like it. It was, instead, oddly inoffensive tasting yet with the sort of gummy, viscous texture that was not entirely pleasant. Yes, it was Micri, MicriButter to be precise. Another server arrived to pour a vegetable consommé, intended to blend with each square of the vegetable powder and create a new amalgam of flavors. Unfortunately, the liquid was neither hot enough nor in large enough quantity to completely dissolve the powder, leaving the broth oddly grainy and, again, not entirely pleasant to eat.

Oh, no, and we were yet done with the Micri. The next dish was a piece of otherwise innocent—if not entirely pristine—salmon wrapped in clear Micrifilm. I was too bothered by the plastic-y Micri to be able to tell you how the fish was. I may have even given up before I got to it.

This was bordering on the ridiculous. All the plates were gorgeously composed, mind you. Illuminated by the specially directed light, each plate was more beautiful than the last, but this was hardly lunch anymore. It was an absurdly curated exhibit: Micri dans tous ses états. There were more food to come, some sort of seafood dish that smelled of a fish market at the end of the day—no, that's not a good thing—and some pigeon roasted or smoked in something or another, seemingly Micri-free but so vastly overcooked it wasn't worth chewing.

The only saving grace of the savory portion of this meal was the cheese cart, filled with interesting local cheese that I devoured with delight, or was it ravenous hunger? I couldn't really tell anymore. The cheese course was—to the palpable relief of the table—Micri-free, but our luck ran out at desserts: white chocolate ice-cream, thickened with Micri powder, came wrapped in a shining Micrifilm® blanket "who hints flowers and fresh herbs", and some sort of gelatinous white chocolate (again!) soup, also more than likely stabilized with yet more Micri.

We were not quite yet done with the meal, but were "sent" instead to luxuriate with coffees and teas and mignardises in the comfortable library. That part was quite fun, the chef's cerebral approach to cuisine in apparent in his collection of cookbooks from everywhere. I had fun browsing through the shelves, though I must say the fun subsided more than a bit when I found a book on the coffee table, flagged and underlined. I'll leave the content to your imagination..

The petits-fours were little "handkerchiefs" of choco-Micrifilm® and gold, filled with chocolate truffles. I stared at them in disbelief. It's really time to go.

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Click here the see the full set of pictures from that meal.

P.S. Please don't ask how much the meal was, the memory of the food alone was painful enough.

P.P.S. I sat on this post for a very long time. I wasn't so sure if I wanted to post it, but I kept getting asked about this on email, so finally I decided to go for it. Take it however you want, this was just my opinion.

Comments

[At Home with Kim Vallee]

That sounds like the perfect case of a Chef that perfect art to cooking. When you go to a restaurant with very elaborate food presentation, I expect the meal to taste as good as it looks. Here clearly the Chef missed the boat.

[At Home with Kim Vallee]

Ouups! I meant a Chef who prefers and not perfect

[Velops]

You can tell from the pictures alone what the meal was like. The texture of the Micri sheets reminds me of rice paper rounds used to make summer rolls. It's a little unsettling how much it looks like plastic.

I would have reservations about making a similar post if I were in your position. I still think this post was worthwhile as starting point for discussion about issues that are not often discussed.

Can chefs strike a reasonable balance between the ethics of seasonal organic cooking with the creative experimentation of molecular gastronomy?

[Casey]

I feel sorry for your pain, really, but since I am in many ways a bad person I have to admit that post was a helluva lot of fun to read. I hope you headed straight to a wonderful tapas bar and filled up with great, REAL food.

[amanda]

i'm never a fan of when a restaurant or chef is more interested in the art and science aspects of gastronomy than in the flavor of food. this meal sounds horrible... and l'Esguard sound incredibly pretentious. gorgeous photos though, and a great read as always!

[Fatemeh]

That fish looks like it is wrapped in a condom. Foul. Simply foul.

[maitresse]

That sounds perfectly horrifying. WWTBS?
Just a note-- unless there is a double entendre involving the stairway that I didn't get, the expression is "dans tous ses états." But apologies if you knew that; I'm just being pedantic.

[campodifragole]

It's incredible how some chefs or avant garde cuisine are taken too seriuously! Then how is it possible that a brain surgeon by day can be a chef by night? I mean maybe he is simply the owner or better the person with such a big ego that not happier enough of being a surgeon wants to succeed in something else and why not cooking as nowadays- especially in Spain- is considered to be the best you can do...All this show about chefs is becoming a circus. People are prepared to pay a lots of money for crap! It is a shame when there are thousands (just to say a number) of undiscovered little gastronomic treasures... and people waste time and money just to say "I have been toooo"Wow Congratulations!!

[Adam]

What was the book?? My guesses:
- "Mein Kampf"
- hardcore pornography with essays by Norman Mailer
- David Lebovitz's "Great Book of Micri"
I enjoyed this review, thanks for posting it Pim!

[umami]

This makes funny reading but if I was there I would be p*ssed off as hell too. Clearly the chef is someone who has been transported to another planet by his supreme ego.

[Debbie]

Oh my lord, that picture of the salmon looks horrendous! Not content with plastic-wrapped fish, he felt the need to sprinkle a line of plastic confetti beside it to make the plate look less empty. Urgh.

Thank you for this post. I shall make a note never to visit this restaurant when in Spain, nor any other by Sanchez Romera.

[AJ]

Seems like there was a bumper crop of hubris in Barcelona! Certainly a bitter ingredient when used with a heavy hand.

[Patty]

Pim - I can attest to eating at a restaurant that I was warned about. I am a bit willful when told not to eat somewhere. What you encountered seems to be a carbon copy of what I have experiwnced with a lot of the "molecular gastronomy" / " nouvelle cuisine" type menus I have tried. I think these chefs get so caught up in the "innovation" of what they are doing that they forget to taste the foods they create. They are first and foremost all about concept and not taste. I think there is a place for these concepts in dining but they need to remember it should always be about the food. Touche to you for posting this story. I appreciate your insight!

[Babeth]

Sounds like a terrible experience. You should contact the Men in Black to erase that memory ...

[kero]

oh jeez.It's fish, in Seran wrap. Honestly, though, when i sayw those..... whats? at the begging, i knew, that is SO not five-spice chicken. And i don't want to get to familiar with it.

[Claudio]

Ouch!

No risk, no fun, turned into big risk, big disappointment.
All the best for your next experience!

[Kitt]

Well, it made for a good rant, and your photos are pretty, anyway!

[Alice Q. Foodie]

Jeez, that sounds awful. I hope you at least had fun complaining about it to each other!

I am so curious about the book!

[The Viking]

I had a similar experience on my visit last year, and most of the dishes were the same.
Alas: The salmon WAS horrible, definetely off and both texture and taste were not appealing.
But: The "Freeze dried vegetable squares with broth" dish was for me exquisite, with ample liquid, adequately heated and a beatuiful amalgamation of different subtle flavours.
The smoked/grilled pigeon was on my visit also perfectly cooked, but not extremely memorable.
I do not doubt there's plenty of talent which in an almost Micrifree environment would flourish more...

[Pim]

Thanks everyone.

I should say I'm certainly not against avant-garde or experimental cooking. In fact the best meal of last year was at a restaurant whose chef is known to be at the forefront of this movement. To be fair I probably should write up that meal too....and perhaps a bunch of others I've also enjoyed. Looks like I've got such a back-log of restaurant posts I should put up!

I'm not against what people referred to as "molecular gastrnomy", just that when things go wrong there's so little room to hide there. And things certainly went quite a bit wrong here on this meal.

[tde]

If that truly was the "worst meal of your life" then you are very lucky indeed.

[tde]

If that truly was the "worst meal of your life" then you are very lucky indeed.

[kayenne]

sounds like a micri-overdose... i believe that the chef needs to use some subtlety is using these new innovative stuff... no more than 30% of the dishes or it can get tired fast! and the fact that if the wonder ingredient flops with the guest, there would at least be other plates to salvage the meal. i can only accept chocolate or cheese in their usual forms as an ingredient in every course. but that's just me.

[Robert R]

Now we would like to hear about the restaurant you loved on the same trip. Or at least I think it was the same trip.

El Poblet

[Luxeat]

The food does look beautiful, but i guess the chef concentrates more about the aesthetics of the dish than the marriage of tastes... Too bad...

[Nancy Liedel - The Goat Rodeo]

I feel your pain in your thoughtful post and admire your bravery for posting it. I also admire you for eating it. I thought the condom comment was brilliant.

[Rebecca]

It's a shame you didn't have a good experience, it's always sad when eating out disappoints so much that you'd rather stay in and cook. The chef sounds completely egomaniacal-a neurosurgeon who is a chef of a menu comprised almost entirely of his own secret ingredient? Sounds like the makings of a pulp fiction novel! As for the micri-sorry, but it looks like latex surgical gloves stuffed with food!

[sen]

an interesting read.... and definitely worth posting. I didn't realise how small the portions were until i saw one of the pics with the knife & fork in it.....

[Diane Carlson]

Well this may have been a truly awful meal, but it was one of the funniest posts I have read in a long time. I was chuckling about it all day in total bafflement. Your pain has provided smiles, and warning (!) to all of us.

[Chris]

I don't know, that whole experience sounds pretty interesting to me. You don't have to like everything you put in your mouth -- comfort food will still be there tomorrow. But how often do you get to try micri?

[Lina and Jean Paul]

Let me be unpolite, it's sunday and it's normal, we are french.
After centuries to eat shit, English and American
criticizes one of the best chef of Europe. They are definitively poor, ignorant and stupid. In the matter, we can understand them when the refinement of these Yankees or English is limited only to the savour of Mac Donalds, Wimpy, KFC of some Iraqi, Afghan or Guantanamo places. Miguel cheer.

[Lina and Jean Paul]

Let me be unpolite, it's sunday and it's normal, we are french.
After centuries to eat shit, English and American
criticizes one of the best chef of Europe. They are definitively poor, ignorant and stupid. In the matter, we can understand them when the refinement of these Yankees or English is limited only to the savour of Mac Donalds, Wimpy, KFC of some Iraqi, Afghan or Guantanamo places. Miguel cheer.

[Lina and Jean Paul]

Let me be unpolite, it's sunday and it's normal, we are french.
After centuries to eat shit, English and American
criticizes one of the best chef of Europe. They are definitively poor, ignorant and stupid. In the matter, we can understand them when the refinement of these Yankees or English is limited only to the savour of Mac Donalds, Wimpy, KFC of some Iraqi, Afghan or Guantanamo places. Miguel cheer.

[Tommy]

So... the guy wraps everything he cooks in an edible plastic of his own invention? That's his schtick? Weird...

[Diane]

Wow - not only super impolite - but impolite enough to post the same nasty rant three times. Surely if you read the blog (you do, dont you?) you know Pim has impeccable taste. Unlike some...

[Barbara]

Not only does Pim have taste, she isn't an American. (Which, if you bothered to actually read this blog more than enough to give a drive-by comment, you'd know that.) She's from Thailand, so stuff your anti-American insults where...well, I'll let you guess where.

Oh, and by the way, not every American is an ignorant, uncultured rube, just as not every Frenchman is as much of an insufferable twit as you are.

That said, Pim--thank you for posting about your experiences. I cannot imagine such an awful meal myself. To me, food should be food first, and art second, which is why I have been viewing this entire molecular gastronomy trend with skepticism. I can see the attraction, and I can see how it could be beautiful and great, but I can also see the food produced by such methods as being soulless and unsatisfying to both the palate and the stomach.

So, it was good to hear the opinion of someone I respect on the issue. I do look forward to hearing you talk about a good experience with molecular gastronomy as well. I want to hear both sides!

[Kris]

That truly does sound like a miserable night out.

Whatever happened to tasty food, nice portions and friendly staff? When did it become a song and dance routine and pissing competition?

[Pim]

I'll post the great meal at El Poblet next week. Promise.

Diane and Barbara, thanks for defending my honor. :-) I try not to pay much attention to drive-by trolls like that. Clearly they didn't pay attention to my blog like you two did!

cheers,
Pim

[John]

This was a very interesting post. I came by it via another link. I enjoyed the review and the photos, as well as the many comments. I am a social worker with two masters degrees and many years of working with people who would find such food ridiculous and could never afford trying it. I am burned out now, and on disability for depression. We really live in different worlds. I am enjoying a meatloaf that I cooked myself. It is very good for one who who does not consider himself a cook. I will be eating it for the next week ... every day. Still it was fun to read about someone who knows fine food, being put off by the pretensions of "haute gastronomy".

[Pauline]

Pardon Pim,
Lina( pas français çà comme prénom !)"s'esguard"...

[courtney]

thanks for that...i live in barcelona right now and my boyfriend had wanted to go there, now i know to steer clear. however, we're going to san sebastian in may and trying mugaritz and etxebarri (i've read your post on that and can't wait to go!)
courtney at http://thedoughball.blogspot.com/

[Nopisto]

It looks like Miguel Sanchez Romera is closing L'Esguard and opening a new venture in NYC. We'll see how it works.

[craig]

wow, who the fuck cares if he was a brain surgeon, all that means to me is that he spends even less time cooking therefore you end up eating micri films and fish that is shit. when are people going to learn when and how to use these "newer" techniques the right way and not overkill. maybe instead he should not get crappy ingredients and wrap something around it that is supposed to mask the disgust inside and learn how to properly store a fish in a walk in or shop for a a fish, or better yet not concentrate on some "grand" invention and jerking himself off on the plate