A year to follow my heart

Sorry I've been quite tardy with the blog lately. I've been really busy with lots of things. There are huge, enormous changes brewing in my life. The biggest one, which precipitates all the others, is this: I am taking a year off from work, an entire year. I am giving me this time to find myself.

I have been wondering what I wanted to do with my life when I grew up, when my real life actually began. I knew that I enjoyed my job, but I did not love working for a huge corporation, with all the politiking and power play it entailed. And with the latest organizational changes that took place a couple of weeks ago, I finally had enough. I decided that this was it, and I was off. Luckily, having slaved for years in Silicon Valley affords me the luxury of not having to earn a proper living, at least not for another year or two.

I am giddy with excitement, a prospect of a new life. There are lots of changes at hand. I am very busy with work, transitioning my responsibilities -just because I quit didn't mean I could simply walk away. I am moving to a new place with a cool new kitchen, Viking range, Subzero fridge, the whole nine -no, ten- yards. If I am to make food -or food writing- my profession I need a better space to work. I am also taking off for a bit, spending a month and a half in Europe: London, Brittany, Barcelona, and Paris, of course. I will be spending all of May in Paris, in fact. There are some interesting things I want to do there for the blog, and I will also be taking some classes -this is certainly a good time to rescue my French from mediocrity. I have a few ideas for a book or two that I want to develop. I want to see if my writing is good enough to get into a paper or magazine. My head is spinning, trying to keep up with all the things I have to do, closing off my old life, starting anew.

But I am also petrified. I've always been the smart one, the cautious one. Too cautious to do anything rash, too smart to make a stupid decision, too in control to ever lose myself. Taking this kind of chance is just not me, or is it? I am not entirely sure.

All my life I've been blessed with resources I've done little to deserve. I was born with a good brain, given a gift of a fancy education, and been exposed to more fine things than one should aspire to, yet all I am is but a dilettante. I allow myself to become good enough, but never more, as though I am too afraid of what disappointment awaits if I really let myself try.

But now, now I am finally doing this. I am throwing myself into an enterprise about which I have but a scant idea, and at which I could end up a spectacular failure. Unless I go looking for my heart, I may never find it, this much I know. Sitting on a patch of grass, leaning on the guard rail, the vast, glimmering ocean in front of me, blissfully ignorant of the bustling world just behind, and this time I am really leaving it behind. I am letting myself fall, in love with the soft grass, the clear sky, the wind caressing my face, the pen in my hand. This is the year to follow my heart.

Comments

[Constance]

This is so exciting! I hope to follow your blog this year as I also take a year off. I resigned Tuesday but have to fulfill a contract until June 1st. I'm looking so forward to a year off. Everyone at work tell me how brave I am and they wish they could do this also. But I'm not brave. You are the brave one. I'm 50 and have health problems. Wish I HAD been brave and done this much earlier. Best of Luck!
Lottie

[Aimee Cardwell]

I'm an American foodie in Paris, not as accomplished as you with either blogging or eating, but I do ok. I live here now with my husband (we are also former SF/high tech) while doing some software work for a French company. I thought I would offer you these few suggestions for your files, since I'm gratefully taking your advice with restaurants I visit both here and in London.

We attend french lessons twice a week at a school we rather like, in the first: http://www.lutece-langue.com/

If you haven't already chosen your school, you might give them a shot. One of our fellow students is taking a 10 week patisserie course at The Cordon Bleu.

I'd also like to recommend the following restaurant which I have not seen mentioned very often (please excuse the blog excerpt):

"Wednesday we went a restaurant recommended by our French friend Graham -- Le Bistral, 80 rue Lemercier, in the 17th. It was an excellent French bistro, the best affordable dining experience I've had in Paris. It was only 24 euros for an appetizer, main course, and dessert, all of which were outstanding. I had beef and foie gras terrine to start, a lamb joint with cheesy risotto, and an outstanding plum crumble (think sweet-tart soft nectarines with sugary wafers) that was almost indescribably good. I can't wait to go back there. There were only three choices for each course, so between the four of us we had everything they were offering that night, and it was all fantastic. The bill came to 109 euros for four."

Lastly, if you find yourself in need of anything while you are here: emergency lodging, internet connection, dinner partners :-)... Drop me a mail for contact info if you like.

Bonne chance, and have a great time.
A.

[mimi]

Good Luck but I know you will be a huge success on whatever road you take and all of your fans stand beside you.

[Pom+]

Congratulations ja, Plub! I'm so excited for you. Drop us a postcard from France!

Pom+ & Colin

[Shelli]

Pim, what an exciting, terrifying move. Good for you! Many of us can see ourselves in your evaluation of self and it takes more courage to try to be all that you can be than the Army knows. I've changed careers entirely three times so far and it's been a good thing each time. Talent and a financial safety net will certainly help, but the emotional commitment is most important.

I too will be in Paris in May and was thinking of language classes. Would you share the names of the ones you're considering? By the way, I just missed you last fall, having had lunch with Maurice just after you left Paris.

[rj]

best of luck with your new adventure. May I ask what your occupation has been all this time?

[sally applin]

hey pim,

we made it okay from our big world adventure.
you're going to be fine!
good luck and have fun with it--sounds like you'll have a good time.

xo

sal

[Rachael]

Pim-
What a wonderful thing you are doing for yourself. Two years ago I did the same thing (though not to write about cooking, to teach) and it turned out to be the greatest decision of my life. The whole world is out there, and now you will have the time to truly savor it. Good luck to you,what fun you are going to have! - Rachael

[In Training]

What we are, we are but if we are ever going to be any better today is the day to begin.

Good Luck on Your New Adventure

Julie Paris

[Miss Georgia]

I've been reading your blog for a little while now, especially the Paris restaurant reviews as my boyfriend and I are visiting for the first time in May. I'm guessing that since you're going to Paris in May that it's beautiful then...I hope, I hope, I hope.
Anyways, I hope your work sabbatical doesn't mean we won't be getting regular posts from you. Good luck and congratulations! We'll be in Paris (staying in the 11th) from May 18th - 25th if you get lonely and wanna grab a drink with two young Americans.

[sizzleteeth]

Congratulations PIM,

All our lives we are taught to seek out, join and rely upon situations that have already been structured – as it is much less terrifying to move onto a stable platform that has been built for us than to face moving into an environment that is undefined – in which we must build a platform of our own – else face drowning.

What you are doing is one of the bravest things any person can do, leaving behind your comfortable shell of protection and attachment and stepping into the undefined… please remember that fear is only what you learn.

A couple of quotes for your journey:

“The human mind is so constructed as to deal most easily with the constant, the fixed, the definite; it does its best to avoid the fluid, the unstable, and the changeable.” - Charles de Gaulle

“True observation begins when one sheds set patterns and true freedom of expression occurs when one is beyond systems.”- Bruce Lee

[foodnerd]

Congratulations, Pim! Good on you for not letting fear and risk stop you -- I have always said that if something isn't scary, it's probably not worth doing. The fear is real, never deny it, but doing what you want to do ANYWAY is truly powerful. I cannot wait to buy your books and magazine articles, even though I can read your wonderful writing and recipes for free on this blog. And for whatever it's worth, I just quit my job of 10 years (5 good, 5 bad) and am leaving my sweetie-pie behind in Boston to live in Chicago for a while, because I've always wanted to. Good luck, and have fun!

[Fred]

Pim,
We don't know each other but it feels so familiar to read your post.
I'm in my thirties and i'm currently working for a large american company in Paris. I've decided also to resign and to embrace MY way for a change. I fully understand your point of view (even about dilettante and the rest ;-) ) and I wish you good luck for your next adventures.
I don't know if our roads will cross each other more than once, but who knows ? We might end-up sharing some Paris addresses ?
Please don't hesitate to e-mail for help, I believe the "net" to be a very powerful way to let people meet and get along very well ! Let's share our passions !
Désolée pour l'anglais approximatif, mon français est bien meilleur je te rassure !!
Fred

[Josh]

Good luck to you Pim in these exciting new endeavors. Keep us posted on what happens next!

[pam]

Pim,

Congratulations! You will be so happy that you've done this. I did the same thing about six months ago, and only wish I'd had the courage to do it sooner. Though I'm not working full time as a food writer, I am working for myself, and dipping my toes into the food writing waters. With the internet, you can do this anywhere too. If you haven't already read it, I'd suggest hopping over to egullet and reading David Leite's lecture on foodwriting. That is what inspired me to take the plunge, and send out my first e-query to a local paper, and now I'm a regular contributor.

I know you'll do well, and I'm looking forward to reading about your adventures.

[adrian]

Take a chill pill, Yoshio

[Yoshio]

I have to say this is the first time I've detected any humility in you since starting to read your blog - which is excellent as you well know - and that is a good thing. Your background, work and affluent lifestyle created an aura of self-importance that was virtually unavoidable. It's hard for me to fathom how taking a year off with a hefty bank account, new luxe digs and an enviable travel schedule can be risky. Maybe you should try something really radical like retreating to a Buddhist monastery for a time to meditate on what life truly means to you. Does love have a role, are there meaningful contributions which can be made that actually require self-sacrifice and what is your purpose in life this go-around? Take some time on your spiritual self and see who you truly are. I wish you peace, love and deeper understanding.

[savina]

Yes yes, you will be so glad of this choice you made as the year will unfold and in time to come. And I totally agree with Ore, include Italy in your trip, you won't regret it! You deserve all the good luck and good feelings you are receiving for the courage of taking your life in your hands and trying to go a bit further (even though you are clearly way ahead of most people already). Pim, this is going to be such fun!
bon voyage
Savina

[Lisa]

Pim,
I made the same move almost eight years ago - when I turned 30 and I haven't regretted anything since. Follow your heart - as Pessoa said in the Book of Disquiet *to think with your heart* and *to feel with your mind*. Grab yourself and savour it!
YOU GO GURL!!!

[Suebob]

Wonderful, Pim. I wish you all the best. You certainly deserve a year to call your own.

I know what you are talking about. I am the cautious one, too. It is so hard to break free of, but when you do, it will bring new life and new energy that will carry you forward.

Allons!
Suebob

[Tran]

Hi Pim,

First time I'm posting here, but just wanted to say that your last few lines gave me chills. I'm excited for you and wish you well on your journey to follow your heart. Hope this next year feeds your soul well...

[matt]

It's The Summer of George .... but i never come here....

[matt]

It's The Summer of George!

[Louisa]

Pim - congratulations - and it's about time! I promise you - there is light at the end of the tunnel. I left Beverly Hills to go to Cordon Bleu for a year - and that was 3 years ago. It was just to be a better food journalist - but I discovered that somehow I had the cojones to work at elBulli and Ducasse - and now the Crillon. See you in Paris in May - now we can finally catch up on all that gossip!

[derek]

:)